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Monkeying Around with the Dick*
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Mike Spencer
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October, 12 2007
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I feel like the monkey chucking darts to pick stocks. Might as well go old school and select college football games by divining entrails.
This year highlights randomness. The season scripted like this: For three weeks the favorites pound the snot out of the weak sisters, then chaos. |
Editor's Note: Mike Spencer, our fearless private investigator, is turning his attention to college football. He loves it, and as you might expect, he takes it seriously. Here are his college football tips. Read them at your own risk!
I feel like the monkey chucking darts to pick stocks. Might as well go old school and select college football games by divining entrails.
This year highlights randomness. The season scripted like this: For three weeks the favorites pound the snot out of the weak sisters, then chaos.
Wither the top two teams in pre-season going wire to wire, covering every game, until the championship?
Just when you think you know, au contraire.
Stanford, with a back up quarterback, exposes USC. Oklahoma spits the bit in Colorado; Cal wins at Oregon; Florida soils the bed two weeks in a row. Programs like Boston College and South Florida subvert the dominant paradigms of Miami, Florida State, and Nebraska. Cats sleeping with dogs!
The gambler must process the information and try to maintain. It’s not panic but it sure ain’t prognosticating with authority. Pass the Maalox my way.
I had an inside source tell me a few weeks ago that Maryland’s quarterback had a sinus infection and that the action should go to Rutgers. So what happened? The Terrapins thumped New Jersey U. Guess a little Sudafed goes a long way.
Old Business:
What happened when PIMike, the cow, tried to pick winners last week? Utter mediocrity. 3-3 last week and now 11-12-1 for the season. I could live with the picks. South Florida and Wake just couldn’t put up enough points against Florida Atlantic and Duke. It was close. The only clunker pick was Georgia at Tennessee.
The fresh pick six:
Hawaii -17.5 at San Jose State. It’s one of the Rainbow Warriors’ shorter road trips. The Spartans just don’t have the weapons to keep Colt Brennan from throwing for about 85 touchdowns and 6,000 yards.
Purdue +5.5 at Michigan. Purdue scores more than Wayne Gretzky. Michigan has not shown it can stop a good spread offense. Michigan as a favorite in this one? Why?
Rutgers -17 at Syracuse: The Big Orange are the Big Suck. Rutgers lost a tight game last week to Cincinnati and West Virginia toasted the ‘Cuse in the Carrier Dome. Rutgers is still a good program and Syracuse is still….a good broadcast journalism school.
Cincinnati -10 hosting Louisville: The Bearcats have covered every single game this season. They are the lone program of 119 schools to be perfect against the number. Want to make some coin? Bet the house on Cinci! My pick of the year!
Texas -16.5 at Iowa State: Talk about a talent disparity. Look for the Longhorns to crush the Cyclones after Texas suffered a close loss to Oklahoma last week. Nothing clears a blemish like a beat-down over a cruddy squad.
LSU – 9.5 at Kentucky: The difference? LSU has nasty defense and does not turn over the ball. Kentucky is a high risk, high reward passing offense. When in doubt, bet the better team and lay the points.
*For the uninitiated, dick refers to a private investigator
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RECOMMEND
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OAKLAND
SPORTS
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Sports
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