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PI Mike's College Picks
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Mike Spencer
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November, 09 2007
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To quote the great columnist from the Weekly World News, Ed Anger, I’m “pig-biting mad” that my season of picks has turned to such a steaming pile of dung.
And yet, I refuse to clown myself a la the Donk. I have enough convoluted pride to still profess that I can go 6-0 this week against the spread. What? Something about monkeys flying out of my nether regions? |
Editor's Note: Mike Spencer, our fearless private investigator, has turned his attention to college football. He loves it, and as you might expect, he takes it seriously. Here are his college football tips. Read them at your own risk!
To quote the great columnist from the Weekly World News, Ed Anger, I’m “pig-biting mad” that my season of picks has turned to such a steaming pile of dung.
And yet, I refuse to clown myself a la the Donk. I have enough convoluted pride to still profess that I can go 6-0 this week against the spread. What? Something about monkeys flying out of my nether regions?
In any other college football season, I go 80% against the number. But this year it was just upset after upset. Either that or I flat out suck. Gambling is hard. As one great sage said, “Gambling is a tax on those who are bad at math.”
The fun of being a college football gambler is looking at how many ways you get things wrong. Compare your vision to reality, and you how the carnage occurred. We all buy too much into the pre-season hype of such teams as USC, Oklahoma, Texas and Cal.
How could I be so wrong week after week? The answer: I am betting on 18 to 24-year-old men (or 22 to 27-year-old men if I take Brigham Young or other schools with a mission as component of education). This is likely the worst demographic on which to place money. It’s a good thing I can’t get point spreads on girls high school soccer or volleyball because those might be the only tilts with more unpredictability.
Old Business:
I have put a curse on the Arizona State program for not punching a score in late against Oregon last week. I had an over bet in Reno on the game last week and came up 5 points short because the Sun Devils got intercepted with 8 minutes left. If I see that quarterback on the street, I will fight him and bite him.
I am 19-28-1 on the season. Putrid-squared.
I hit Oregon’s win and Cal’s narrow victory win. I had no idea that Kansas would run up nearly 80 points against Nebraska or that Boston College would come back to earth. Wake Forest’s field goal kicker had been 13 of 14 on the year before missing his last two in the stretch against Virginia. Guess I owe that young man a stick in the eye.
New business:
USC – 4.5 at Cal: Why should Cal put up a fight when their season is long over? USC is playing for a Rose Bowl behind Oregon and Arizona State while Cal is starting to sweat the Stanford game. Cal knows it’s doomed. S.C. needs this victory, and a big one, for so many reasons, i.e. recruiting supremacy and a top-line bowl game.
Wake Forest + 9 at Clemson: Look at Wake’s season and you will see that they fight to the end. This is a conference game and nine points is about seven too many in this one.
South Florida -16 at Syracuse. Syracuse is 2-7 and has no reason to put up a fight. Plus, the Orange’s biggest losses this season have come in home games. Meanwhile, South Florida has lost its last three games to conference rivals by a total of about 13 points. Nothing cures a losing streak like a trip to upstate New York.
Oklahoma State +6 v. Kansas: This is Kansas’ time to fall. Coach Mike Gundy, who owns rant of the year http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VytIZZzee0 , will have the Cowboys ready for an ambush. Kansas is undefeated due in a large part to playing jokes like Kent and Akron in its non-conference games. Sorry Jayhawks, you are going down!
Navy -15 at North Texas: Why? Who knows and who cares. Navy is fresh off a lucky win over Notre Dame. North Texas is……an obscure program with a bad and ill-fitting nickname, Mean Green. The more apt “ennui green” is not too catchy.
Ohio State -15 v. Illinois: The Buckeyes looked vulnerable for about a half last week against Wisconsin, but turned on the gas at the end. Coach Tressle will not allow his team to stumble late in the season. Even a possible “look ahead” game against Michigan can’t derail Ohio State.
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